It is easy to fall into the mindset that you have fallen behind. You may wake up on the occasional morning, stare at the ceiling, and think “I expected to be farther along at this point in life.” Truthfully, you are not alone. At times, particularly in the quiet moments, you may feel as if life jackknifed the direction you thought that you were heading, overturning your goals, and causing you to wander and wonder among the world. Yet, you’re still here – persisting – and that has to count for something.

I tend to write a lot on mental wellness and self-awareness, not because I am an expert on the matters at hand, but because I too need reassurance. I want to feel good and to know that I am doing everything that I can to succeed. Success. Let’s talk about that for a moment, dear reader.

You, like most children, were likely told at one point that you were bound for greatness. You expressed your dreams, wants, and hopes to those that asked and charted a trajectory that moved past the moon, the stars, and into the unknown. You worked toward it, completed goals, and thought that you knew what would happen next. And then maybe something happened that you couldn’t foresee that turned your life on its head, bringing your progress to a grinding halt. Maybe you achieved your goals and still feel a longing that you cannot explain. Either way, being anything less than what you perceive as “successful” may feel like failure. But why?

Take yourself back to the last time you felt gratification. Did you work for that feeling or did it just happen? Now compare that to the last time you felt shame, lost, or stuck. Did you do something to make that happen or was it just the result of circumstances? It is frustrating, but blaming yourself or the universe may not make any difference. You are where you are, but you are not stuck. It is not the end of your journey, merely a footnote in the life that you will lead, and the hour has come to do something about it.

It may be time to reevaluate what you consider precious and what you want from the world, but you can certainly still have your goals and push toward making your dreams come true. Immanuel Kant once theorized that the pursuit of happiness only serves to inspire unhappiness. As you pursue your wants, you will suddenly realize that you do not have what will bring you joy, and deem yourself unhappy because of it. Yet, I think that does not mean you should not at least try. A noble and pure cause for yourself is to seek your own happiness and to live your own legend. For me, I expected to be wearing a uniform of some kind, standing as a bulwark against some of the greater injustices in the world, and to always have an unfurled flag behind me blowing in the wind. It is not too late for something remotely similar to that happen, but I am trying to chase my joy in a different way.

It was at the funeral of a childhood friend that it dawned on me. I was in the thick of a deep depression that had reached its annual anniversary of being, when I was called to attend the memorial of someone that had passed too soon. He was 28 years of age, only two years my senior at the time, and that was daunting. Yet, when I arrived the day of the ceremony, I was surprised to find that I could not find a seat. The chapel was filled with people and was limited to standing room. The line of people that came to say goodbye was so long that it filled the back corners of the chapel, flowed out onto the front walkway, and into the graveyard. Many beautiful words were spoken, there was sorrow, but I still caught glimpses of the occasional, longing smile. There was something there that made me change the way that I was approaching life. I will admit that the example is droll and queer, but it brought truth to the forefront of my mind. We all die, sometimes unexpectedly, but the life we want is as important as the life we led.

If you know what you want, how to get there, and have the means, go for it. Become what you are meant to be and share your triumphs with those close to you. But if you are not sure where you are going, like me, don’t stop trying. I bet you that somewhere there is a yearbook, in a box under a bed, with your smiling picture in it, to serve as a memory of who you once were. In some small way, you are still that person, but why live in the past? Are you not excited for the future? Are you not ready and anticipating the next good thing in life? Live a life that will fill a chapel with people, memories, and lingering with a patina of the fondness that you inspired within others.

I still am unsure of what I want to do with my life, but I am aware of what I want out of it. Since that moment, I have moved to a new house, made new friends, traveled to new places, and took a long look at what I want to become. I take my after-work beers on the back porch to watch the glow of the California sunset fall behind the rooftops – okay with the progress I have been making and ready for the next good thing. Progress is slow, but so is traveling uphill. Eventually, the point will come for the rapid acceleration of what is to come. Make it so.

Onward.