It has been a long time since I have believed in myself. Truthfully, it has been too long. I thought that I knew who I was before I began this whole crazy, multi-year journey to become whatever it is that I’m becoming.

Finally, I’m ready to become the next version of myself. Me 2.0, if you will. This probably sounds like the ramblings of a crazy person, but in my opinion, you have to be a little insane to live the lives that we all lead day-to-day. Some are easier lives than what others have to face, but to compare your life to someone else’s, just to make sure that you’re okay in comparison is a fallacy in seeking your own happiness, so don’t look at this in that way. Look at this instead, as my open invitation to you, Dear Reader, to join me in finding our happiness and joy, finding a reason to bother in the morning, and choosing your Ikigai every day.

The first thing that I needed to discover for myself is what I find important, what I believe in, and what my passions are. It was about this time, about two or three years ago, that I had my first brush with the struggles of being alone. I mean, feeling really alone. Like, you’re in a room full of your friends that you’ve known for years, but feeling like none of them could understand where you were or if you even belonged there. It was, heartbreaking and isolating. Over time, I realized that I do actually have a community, but felt alone and abandoned. Yet, that was not necessarily true.

I had my heart broken and thought that was it. I thought that I was going to marry that girl, and without her I was nothing. But really, we were two different people whose paths just happened to converge for a brief, beautiful dalliance, making it all the more precious for happening at all. From the departure of our binding, I was reborn as an individual. I became a Dynamic Uno. I had to re-discover myself and everything that came with it – the good and the bad.

Once I had finally gotten over myself and stopped seeing what I had lost as my defining focus, I recognized that “love” was something that I truly believed in. It sounds corny as hell, and I want to laugh at myself for saying it, but it’s true. I believe in love. It exists, it’s out there, and some people are lucky enough to experience in every waking moment of their lives and don’t even recognize it. I hope to become one of those people. It sounds silly to say, but I think that is how I will know that I’ve “made it” in life – being surrounded by love and warm-vibes, occasionally having to be reminded that all is right in the world. I cannot help but imagine myself on a couch in my own living room, with a hot cup of coffee or cocoa on a coffee table, reading a book beside the next love in my life. And that gives me hope – something that I haven’t felt for a long time until very recently.

So what did I decide that I believe in, you may be asking (possibly losing interest at this point). Well, if you’re still there and want to witness my rise, read on.

I believe in peace, a clean world, and that what you do should serve purpose. I actually ended up having “it is okay if you only save one person today, even if that person is me” written on a white-board in my room. It felt really empty, but it made me realize and admit something to myself. I hate my job. It serves no purpose other than to make me miserable. I get paid to be there and be miserable, hopefully fixing something that I never believed in to begin with. Which is why I’m going to quit soon. Hopefully I will have a job lined up before then, but it is the sole thing in my life that causes me misery. Just that. Just working at that specific place. Everything about it causes sorrow and just talking about it makes me feel bad for inflicting it upon you, so let’s move on to the beautiful parts that come from admitting that.

I can be free. You can be free. We can drop the chains that we feel that are locking us down. Admittedly, it will be scary. We are all creatures of habit, myself especially. Patterns make me feel like I have control and know what to expect. If you have never heard of it before, look up “expectancy violations theory”. It kind of explains why people get angry over such minor things, but it may help you to appreciate how delicately we see our lives.

I spent a lot of my free time reading books on relationships, mindfulness, psychology, spiritualism, and a lot of other subjects; all in the pursuit of better understanding what I was going through. Putting a name to things gives you power, you know? I admitted that I had become depressed and that anxiety was something that I had always experienced, but never understood. So I made some moves, very gradually, to start therapy and love myself. I don’t think that I have tried to love myself in a conscious way until only recently. It was just a given. I just existed and the world moved around and through me, in a way. Becoming aware of myself changed everything and started me on this weird, obnoxious path of giving a damn. From it, comes the good things in my life.

I have a loving family. My parents are the most wonderful, caring, and god-sent pair that I have ever known. I am truly lucky and I appreciate that I was given a pair like them. All I want to do now is to be okay, so that they know that I am okay. No, I want to thrive for them. It is almost like my happiness will bring them happiness, you know? I hope that makes sense, Dear Reader, because I value your opinions. I know, I know, the old saying of “don’t care what other people think” and “don’t compare yourself to others” is a thing. But, it exists and I think that we should care.

I think that the opinions of others influence us in both good and bad ways, it keeps us in check, and opens up opportunities to meet new people and add to our lives. When was the last time that you connected with a stranger and followed up on it? I try to talk to the cashier at grocery stores for starters. I’ve started looking people in the eye on the street, whether or not they were looking first. I wish that I could be successful in the world of dating, but I can sort of understand why I haven’t had any victories that really matter. For some reason, girls really don’t like swiping-right on Asians. And also, I can’t expect anyone to want to date someone that hates their job. I think that everything outside of work is beautiful, so that’s something. But that just reinforces why I must leave. I guess I am still trying to talk myself through it right now. My bad, that’s not your concern. You have concerns of your own.

What do you value? What do you find yourself often pondering and feeling grateful for? I like the exercise that I learned from Mister Rogers – take 60 seconds, one whole minute, to sit silently (it helps to close your eyes) and think about the people in your life that made you into who you are right now. Think about the journey that you’ve taken to get here. Think about the lives that you’ve touched and that have influenced you. Maybe you imagined a teacher, a friend, or a stranger that changed how you see the world. There is good and bad mixed together in your life, no? Hopefully you can see more good in there than the alternative, but if not, that’s okay. There is a lot of good ahead of you.

The universe, God, however you want to define it (life), speaks its own language. Sometimes you can hear it or feel it, but usually it just exists. It speaks in its own way and you just need to believe that your best is yet to come. Believe that things will get better. Things are good? Great! Things are going to get better for you if you nurture yourself and your happiness. Seek out more joy and fill the world around you with love and a positive attitude. Things are not that great? Times are hard? You’re worried, stressed, and finding it hard to find reasons to continue? I’ve been there. I’ll probably be there tomorrow, slogging through the job that I think is the worst. Yet, the old saying is true – it could be worse. Not comparing things to make sure that your bowl is more full than someone else’s, but looking to see that things can improve for them and that they can improve for you. It’s a blind path, more often than not, getting to a better place. Sometimes you get lucky and get tossed a lifeline and actually decide to grab on. Sometimes, it feels like you haven’t had a win in forever. But you have to open yourself to these opportunities to see them. Me? I’m opening my heart wide open for love. I’ll admit that I have certain standards that I hope get met, but I’m open and ready for the next good thing in my life. I’m ready. If the greater powers are reading this, I’m ready. My Dear Reader and I, we both are ready for the good to come back into our lives and to make us whole again.

Believe in me, Dear Reader. I believe in you. You’re doing a great job being you (in case you need to be reminded). I know that sounds mushy and I want to both blush and slap myself for saying it, but I believe it. Only you can be your best self. Become the person that you want to be with and the rest will follow. No more zero days – do at least one thing for yourself to become better, every day. It can be as easy as a single push-up or feeding yourself a meal. Take care of yourself, so that when your next opportunity comes to share a happy moment with someone that you hold dear comes, you will be there. Like, really be there. You’re going to be okay. You’re going to thrive. And I hope that I can be there to see it and you’ll witness my rise as it happens.

Let’s do it, Dear Reader. You, me, and the people that you think of when you count your blessings. Onward we go 🙂