Dear Reader,

How often have you heard the advice to refrain from concerning yourself with the opinions of others? Some of you might be nodding fervently in agreement right now. Others among you may be trying to think up rationale for why considering the perspectives of other individuals is reasonable. It is a complicated subject, truly.

Me? I consider myself to identify with the latter. It isn’t that I think that one should base their decisions off of others. Rather, I consider it to be two halves of a whole. The importance of not worrying about it must seem obvious to some. It is as if using the views of other people requires the complete surrender of freewill and acceptance of the lack of control in your own life. That sounds rather bleak, so perhaps it is not for you. However, that is too easy and too clear of answer to me. The contradiction arises when choosing to ignore the opinion of another stems from the desire for it to be known that ‘you don’t care’, because in that situation you really do. In addition, we live as part of a collective.

We live in a society (unfortunately) that is, by design, purposefully driven by the compiled opinions, concerns, and goals of those that choose to take part. To be a part of a society, you need to give up some of your independence, lest you give into social deviance – this is a subject that I could ponder at length, so perhaps it is for another time. It is part of the unwritten agreement and unseen handshake between a participant and the rest of the public. From that comes consideration about things such as how others may receive the way you dress, about your hygiene, or if what you do will positively or negatively affect those around you. Each side of the coin has its place and there should probably be a balance implemented between these perspectives.

Considering the opinions of others, without assigning value to yourself from it, may lead to a balanced and enjoyable experience together. Individuals make up a collective, so don’t be afraid to reach out and enjoy life in the world that you help to design (even if you aren’t aware of it). If you don’t, you are merely alone. If so, why not be alone — together?

*

The afternoon had drawn me to boredom as the hours crawled by. I had found myself in the position of a tired couch potato that had spent the better portion of his day pondering when the phone would ring. Not wanting to be a bother, I sent out a handful of selective texts and calls to my friends, then waited to see how my evening would turn out. Well, turns out that plans had already been made by the lot of them. No matter – if I could not stand to spend an afternoon entertaining myself, then I can’t expect to entertain anyone else either.

Video games had lost their appeal, I was too antsy for movies or television, and my roommates were busy studying for their classes. So of course, I did what any normal, idle man in his late 20s would do – I went grocery shopping.

As I aimlessly wandered inside, the aisles of my local health food store were filled with people going about their day. I was careful to walk in a straight, definitive direction to avoid accidentally bumping into anyone not paying attention. I wasn’t sure what brought me there, but I did suddenly realize that I had not eaten in quite a while. I meandered my way through the dry goods, bumbled by the produce, and sauntered past the seafood. What stopped me was overhearing a conversation between two strangers.

One of the men appeared to be in his mid 70s. He was sporting a pair of aviator eyeglasses, a yellow dress shirt, brown slacks, and a khaki cardigan. His counterpart – a thirty-something surfer, wearing board shorts, flip flops, and a Kanvas by Katin sweater – was busy pulling up pieces of string beans from the vegetable display. The younger man noticed that the older man was pacing around, as if he had lost something.

“Bag?” he asked. The older man stopped and graciously accepted the plastic at the end of the surfer’s extended arm.

“You look familiar,” said the old man. “Where do I know you?”

The surfer squinted and shrugged. He gestured to his sweater, “Long Beach – somwhere, probably.” The pair laughed and continued to chat.

Throughout this exchange, I had been grinning and agreeing with myself that Long Beach is just one of those towns where you run into people. I also noticed that I had been staring and nodding at these two, and that they had noticed me doing so. I quickly made my exit.

It was then that I realized that at some point, I had stopped trying to interact with the public. Somewhere along the way, I had subconsciously started averting my eyes from looking at the faces of strangers. I used to enjoy talking with others in line at the grocery store, perusing aisles in stores, or just on the street. In response, I continued my browsing marathon of the potted plants by actually trying to meet the curious looks my direction. Some of them noticed and returned my smile. Others, I could see look at the floor harder or awkwardly turn away when we locked eyes. Maybe I was using my seeing spheres too aggressively.

I will admit that there are situations (like being at the gym) where it seems inappropriate to do this, but the baked goods section was as fine a place as any to try this out. I will tell you what – it felt good. I felt confident about myself and being present. Since then, I try to remain conscious to this new detail that I had overlooked for long enough.

There was something about realizing that everyone else around me is more consumed by their own thoughts that made me feel more secure. Those that also opted to smile back (or just acknowledge that I was noticing them) seemed happier for it. I think that I want to be a part of that too. How beautiful life is when you share it with other people, whether they are familiar or complete strangers. Maybe a new friend will be made. Maybe something more. Or just a simple smile will be shared.

The opinions of others start with how you carry the weight on your shoulders.

Chin up. Eyes Front. Onward.

Believe in yourself. You’ve got this. Life is even more beautiful when you’re a part of it.