“You’re still young. Why worry?”

Dear Reader, I think that we can both agree that we’ve probably heard our fill of this. I scoff and want to stomp my feet whenever I hear it. Life isn’t a race, but sometimes it sure can feel like it is. It is usually someone older that will tell us this, but they are right on some levels. Be it about your career, your relationship status, if you are thinking about kids, or whatever other monkey is on your back, you may feel the pressure of time pushing you into a corner. If not, kudos. You’re LUCKY.

This week I made a pretty big call in my life and started making moves to heal and become better. “Better” in every sense of the word – more patient with myself, more appreciative, and really just overall more positive.

I thought that I could change my outlook by forcing E N T H U S I A S M, even when I felt rotten and jaded about my job. Everything seemed to point toward my employer being the cause of anxiety, depression, and the reason why I no longer feel like the stoic that I once was. Truthfully, I knew that it is all because of my own attitude and inability to maintain a good one under the stresses of technical support. “Nobody calls tech support on a good day,” was the joke I made in the job interview that landed me the position. How right I was and we will leave it at that.

In any case, I put in my resignation notice. I thought that if I could take the time to steady my attitude, learn to love myself, and regain my self-confidence, the universe would be on my side and I could be seen as an asset by potential employers. I can still work somewhere else while I figure out my life goals, right? I shook off my shadow, gave into chance, and imagined the relief I would feel as I began my departure.

I did not feel better. Not like I thought that I would.

It felt like a gamble. I was at the roulette table of life and placed a sizable bet that affects my status in life. Without another gig lined up and ready to go, uncertainty of what replacement would be my “dream job”, and the desire to “fix myself” on my mind, I only felt restlessness. To complicate things, I was asked if I would just like to pivot within the company and start a different position instead, placing the figurative ball back in my court.

The offer was an “are you really sure you want to do that?” moment and my concerns on if I will be okay are buzzing in my mind as I write this. What if the other position is even just a little bit more bearable? I still hate thinking about tech and the words “IP address” chokes me as they leave my mouth. Yet, what if I can bear it long enough to where I start to feel like I love myself again? There are too many “what-ifs” for staying, but many more “why nots” for me to become a free agent again.

Because I am facing an infinite number of unknowns, the fear is real and it is trying to keep me exactly where I am. The desire for control in all aspects of life and the phrase, “you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be” sits in the back of my mind. Yet, I have many more freedoms in my life (no kids, my parents are letting me move back home, and I have a community of supportive friends) that others do not. I’m deciding to leave a known source of stress. So why don’t I feel at ease and like chance is on my side?

Imagine that you are alone, stranded on an island. It’s survivable, but only as long as you fight for every inch of life to survive. It sounds reasonable right? Just another facet of the challenges that life throws at you. But what if the island had very few resources, is constantly pounded by tropical storms, and you can see other islands dotted in the distance? You have enough materials for one trip out there. Those islands might have more of the things that you need to survive, other people to help you, and be a literal paradise. Or it could be worse or more of the same. You might get lost at sea and swept away. There are definitely sharks in the water. Do you stay or do you go?

Such as opportunities in life go, a lot of what determines your fortune has to do with luck; the people you know, the time and places where you find yourself, and the offers that fall in your lap are all things that are influenced by ‘luck’. For really really. The chances that you take and your faith in your decisions interlock with how lucky you feel.

A study by Richard Wiseman, a psychology professor at University of Hartfordshire (Hatfield, England) discovered an important difference between people that describe themselves as ‘lucky’ and ‘unlucky’ is in how they take chances and notice opportunities. In a variety of social experiments, it was found that the participants that felt lucky would easily notice hidden signs that would make their experience easier in comparison to the self-proclaimed ‘unlucky’ counterparts. Hidden text, blips that appear in the periphery, and other chance opportunities are easy to miss if you’re fixating on a single point.

In one experiment, Wiseman tasked participants to count how many photographs were hidden in a newspaper. The unlucky people took an average of two minutes to count out all of pictures that were printed. However, the lucky people completed the task in a matter of seconds, because one of the photos literally had “Stop counting – There are 43 photographs in this newspaper,” written in large type print. Wiseman also decided to be cheekier and make the experiment more interesting by including another hidden message that rewarded those that noticed it with $250. Again, the lucky-folk increased their fortune

When you feel luckier, you’re more open to things and often take more notice of your surroundings. Studies revealed that unlucky people are filled with more anxiety, disrupting the ability to take notice of chance opportunities. I am so embroiled with identifying my “dream career”, that I’m paralyzed with doubt. It should be easier than this, right? How many times have people told me that “everything is going to be okay”?

Dear Reader, how many times have you thought “I’m not where I thought I would be by now”? Well, age is just a number, not a mile-marker. The milestones and time limits  that we set for ourselves influence the attitude that we create. There is a pressure to achieve happiness by the time your reach your 30s and an expectation to feel like you’ve got it all figured out before you’re 40. But the truth is that studies also show that your happiness and self-satisfaction actually increases as you age. Sure, there is the classic mid-life crisis that I also have to look forward to. Maybe you’ve actually already encountered this yourself, but the experiences that you gain over time, your understanding that setbacks and failures are a part of the process, and your constantly evolving rationale causes you to reevaluate your beliefs about your personal milestones and the timing involved.

Certainly there are exceptions to this like fertility, financial setbacks, and other things that are out of your control. However, those are things that may have been predestined and were placed there not only as an obstacle, but as influence. They give your life flavor and set you apart from everyone else. How did you overcome it? How did you react in that moment? When you’re looking back on your life far down the road, will you crack a toothless grin despite the punches life threw? I like to think that God (you can use “the universe” instead, if you prefer) doesn’t make people strong, but offers opportunities to be strong, to be brave, and to prove to yourself that you never really had to ask for it in the first place.

A graduation speech by Tim Minchin at the University of Western Australia lists nine life lessons to follow:

1) You don’t have to have a dream

2) Don’t seek happiness

3) Remember, it’s all luck

4) Exercise

5) Be hard on your opinions

6) Be a teacher

7) Define yourself by what you love

8) Respect people with less power

9) Don’t rush

To live, to love, and to matter are pursuits that we can all agree upon. The attitude that you sponsor in life and how you carry yourself are influenced and controlled by you. You. The protagonist in your own story. The rush for the proverbial finish line is unnecessary. I hope to retire by the age of 60. If I can make that happen, then awesome – I’m going to sleep so much, it’s ridiculous. If I don’t make it, that’s okay. The run will end no matter what. That’s the mortal truth. I hope that in that time in-between to have fallen in love again and again, laughed until my face hurt, and made the best of life as it unfolded before me.

I hear that there’s a secret that they don’t tell you in grade school – “success” can always be redefined. The long chapters in your life are not just interludes of toil. Live your life like an aria; an accompanied song for a solo voice. The time that you experience things fall apart is the time that you rebuild and experience yourself evolve. Question yourself and find out who you are. If you don’t like it, you can probably change parts of it.

Dear Reader, you’re going to be okay. You can increase your luck, set your own pace, and enjoy the fact that wine gets better with age. If you don’t like wine, whiskey actually doesn’t get better as it gets older (distilled spirits don’t change over time). But there’s tequila, so let’s get froggy and hit the tables. I’m a gambling man.

Onward.