If anything can be a display of the resilience of the human spirit, it is the ability to openly embrace a new beginning. The first few lines on a page, the start of a new career, or the easily missed ‘spark’ between two people meeting for the first time – all of these are opportunities with consequences. Will you bring yourself to see what’s next?

If so, onward…

A friend once told me that it is easy to believe in destiny when things are going really well for yourself. It may seem that the stars have aligned, the skies have opened, and all things good and righteous in the world are within arm’s reach. If this is your disposition, good for you! Embrace it. Enjoy it. And appreciate it for what it is and how you came about it. But remember, it is easy to forget yourself and become complacent in that kind of situation.

This feeling of bliss may stem from a string of success in your career, scholastic achievement in school, or even finding love in a twin flame. Pure magic. Wild ecstasy.

But for some, this may not be the case.

At times you may feel like a born loser. Maybe your job has not been all that great lately – it has lost its luster and excitement overtime to where you find yourself lingering outside the office, your hand trembling on the doorknob. You are unsure of how much longer this can go on.

Maybe you fell out of love – the wild emotions became deadpan and the flames fizzled out. The person whom you once thought to be your soulmate turned out to be a dud. Perhaps you are still in love with this person, but it has become a love unrequited.

Or perhaps you are just plain down in the dumps and feel trapped in a situation that you cannot seem to wrap your head around. These things are all okay too. You will be fine. Trust me.

The Story that Started It…

It was only a few months ago that the girl I was with for four years, and was getting ready to propose to, declared her love for another, and it had been going on for a while too. That sucked. No matter how much I struggled and wrestled with it, I could not process it at all. For a while, I was able to push it aside and go on with my daily life. I would go to work, do things with friends, and just generally continue as if nothing had happened. Unfortunately, I am not the example of stoicism that I had previously envisioned myself to be. It got to me. I became quiet and withdrawn at work, drank heavily, and became all too familiar with the existence of anxiety and panic attacks. I even contemplated making an early exit from it all.

Within the first few months, I quit my job. Luckily, a close friend had already helped me land an entry-level position at his job in technical support, so I took this as the open door that I had been waiting for. After my two weeks of notice was up, I began my transition from customer service into the technical field. And at this, dear reader, you may laugh. Little did I realize that tech support is just glorified customer service; because nobody calls you in this line of work when they are having a good day. But I was running away from a job, not toward one – that may have been a folly. I found myself feeling resentful and self-deprecating with everything that I did. I could not grasp the new concepts of troubleshooting security cameras, how to navigate IP addressing, and a whole slew of subjects mandatory for the job. I felt in my heart that I would fail.

A month later, I moved out for the first time. Sharing a house with two friends seemed like a good opportunity to prove to myself that I have the gumption and grit to make it on my own. After all, I had already been paying my parents what I would be paying elsewhere. But the reality soon set in. Being an only child, I had lived my entire life with space entirely my own and had a pretty sweet deal with my parents. This was no longer the case and I would need to learn how to share space with others that lived with relatively different lifestyles.

The culmination of my new relationship status, a new job, and a new living situation soon caught up with me and I became a raw nerve, frustrated and aware that this was not where I wanted to be in life. Before everything happened, I had been happy and blissful with my girlfriend (now ex), comfortable in my old job, and had little to no worry whatsoever. But the truth is that despite all of these things, if nothing had changed, my life would be going nowhere.

The Silver Lining

Change is inevitable. There are countless quotes from great minds and famous individuals from all walks of life on the subject. Poets have written ballads in the name of change and its inexplicable force. In this, I take solace.

For months, I was tormented by my inability to reason why things happened the way that they did. It stemmed from my sudden lack of access to someone that I trusted enough to help me talk myself through, but it all came down to my stubborn outlook on the world and how I expressed it. As I had been lashing out at anyone that would listen, I had completely missed the fact that I had taken great strides in changing my life.

I had been considering moving out for a long time and had finally done so. While I still rely on my parents for things here and there, I know that I will be okay apart from them. I have learned to appreciate them more and value the time that I have left to spend with them more than I think was ever realized while I was still living at home. I am more aware of how little material goods mean to me. Albeit, the convenience of seemingly minor items are still necessary (such as plates and towels). Yet, I am more conscious of how the owning of goods really just takes up space and serves little purpose beyond that.

I was finally moving on with my career. My job had been predictable and comfortable as a Supervisor in Guest Services, but I felt unfulfilled and knew that I could do more with my life. It was my second job out of college, and it was a good job, but I never went into it feeling like I would stay there until I collected retirement. I just got stuck. However, the sudden shaking of my life goals knocked me loose from the monotony and pushed me to seek out other opportunities. From there, I found a new job in a field that I did not earn my degree in, acquired new skills that are useful for a large spectrum of employers, and proved to myself that I only need to look to find something different. Work is just there to pay for play. Maybe I will one day find a job that I enjoy more than the money. Until then, I at least know that I can keep looking and am not truly stuck.

Finally, the thing that started it all, finding love again. Now this is a subject that I will likely write on over and over again in the future, but the truth is that love is as much of a cosmic force as it is a chemical reaction in the brain. It exists, but only in the ways that we allow that perception to take hold. I am still in love with my ex (at least at this point in time). It has only been six months, but I still find myself remembering the emotion I would get when she walked in the room, the curve of her neck, and the way that no matter how bad of a day I had, none of it mattered as long as I was with her. As much as I miss her and the way that things were, I found myself with this realization the other day: I cannot wait to fall in love again.

One day I am going to find myself in a situation where I know that there is no turning back and will find myself blissfully falling for another. It may not be this year, or even the next, but it is bound to happen. Even now, I catch girls glimpsing at me and smiling, so I smile back. Small moments like this are common, but nothing that I scoff at. I do not consider myself to be the model of attractiveness in the perspective of society and dating. Being an Asian male has its drawbacks, I will admit; we are not represented very well in the romantic-light. Yet, I am still confident that the time will come. I have since cancelled my subscription to the dating sites I had subscribed to in my desperate attempt to get back out there, and it feels good. I am unsure of where things may go from here, but the lack of pressure that I feel now is uplifting. One day I’ll probably remember this point in time and smile to myself at how much my life improved the moment that I stopped dwelling on what I could not control and embraced the unknown.

Being single has made me desire to be more outgoing, reconnect with old friends, become more physically active, and become more honest with my emotions. I  hope that I can be wise enough to recognize the moments that matter and determine the next direction of my life. If not, that is okay too; as long as that change still happens. The best way that I can summarize all of this is simply, I cannot wait for the next good thing in my life. For all I know, it has already started.

So, dear reader, if you are there in a similar situation – be it a bad job, a broken heart, or an existential crisis – let it be known that you will be okay. The journey is just beginning, but it is a journey nonetheless. It may not feel like it now. You may believe that you are in a unique situation and are afraid of what may come, but remember that the best pieces of art – vast canvases of paint and human spirit – stems from the toil and struggle of being alive. Take heart in the idea that maybe one day you will be the source of happiness for someone that feels just as lost as you do right now. The world is waiting, so if you want that next good thing for yourself, onward you go.